Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
