I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
