Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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