I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
