Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
