I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
