you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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