his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
