if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
