Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
