She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
