My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
