Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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