Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
