How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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