How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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