"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
