I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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