i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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