She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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