Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
