youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
