Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just pee around me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
