Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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