dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
