so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
