you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
