I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
