she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
