i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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