I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
