New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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