dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
