I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
