Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
