What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
