That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My ass is underappreciated
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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