I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
