Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
