apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
