naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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