she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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