so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
