I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
