I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
