Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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