Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
