I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
