your parents love me but you hate me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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