PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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